Well, here's some hints. Doesn't this look familiar? What the Hell am I playing? I can't catch them, either. Now would you believe there's actually more of them? They alternate just to trick you. So, it's time to commit suicide. Put them together! And when you walk into the next area, the screen moves. And take this one, for example: Bible Adventures. If you miss the dot, you get this irritating voice. I guess false. Clean all featuring a desert bus driving, this as the unpredictable nature of shit, although only conjure up on an achievement Uranus and desert transcript switch, but even had no! It's time to wrap things up. Nobody fucks with him. Joshua. It's basically an educational tool with some games thrown in. This is the main game. Happy Holidays. (Noah throws the block at a snake, knocking it off the tree trunk) Well, I can knock them out, but if I don't catch them, they're gone. And when you start the game, you get to type in a name. Fun, huh? It's supposed to be food, I guess, but why does it put the animals to sleep? (The lion appears to get hit by an acorn) What? Well, it's identical to Menace Beach. (the Nerd picks up the games that he's going to review in this episode) Like, who makes video games based off the Bible?! Fuck this fuckin' piece of shit! Now that's gotta be tricky, right? I'm not even sure exactly what the items are, but it pretty much means that you have to uncover every square. Fuck this game. Shit! (the Nerd holds up the games he played and reviewed from his episode "Bible Games") Now 2 years ago, I played a bunch of Bible games. The object's to get the animals in the ark. Oh! The Nerd: Oh my God, it's talking. Up, down, up, down, down! What good is a weapon that doesn't go straight? Episode 570 DVD/ VHS/ Laserdisc Collection 2016. He's an old man, and not only does he pick the animals up, he lifts them over his head. The Nerd: (sarcastically) Oh, look at this! He hates the games that stink; He knows which games to break. But here, it's so bad, it's nearly unplayable. Like it deliberately dodges your target. The Nerd: (groans) It's back over there?! Well, at least they upped the challenge on those logs, but it's just flat-out annoying. I kinda like it, but I gotta turn it off before I go insane. 0:44. The Nerd does one final review on Bible Games licensed and unlicensed alike. The Nerd: As you can see, it looks like no other Super Nintendo game you've ever seen. Not quite. There's your snakes. It's a little something to pass the time seeing as his last episode was Bible Games III. Leadin' the way. He moves pretty fast for an old guy. It doesn't help either that there's all these rocks coming down. The Nerd: That's right. Now you're gonna get it. Read more and find the right contact for you Actin And Myosin Skeletal Muscle Contraction Oh no, now I gotta go all the way back. The Nerd: I hate those pigs. You just bring them to the door, and let those bastards run in there. If he and all the animals can turn into fish, they wouldn't even need the fuckin' ark. ), (The Nerd puts the game on the Toploader, the camera zooms in to the title, then the Nerd plays it, and actually feels somewhat satisfied with the game. Well, if you can't already tell what this game looks like, let me spell it out. So don't get the snakes that you first see when you're walking around, go take a wild guess. But overall, I would at least go as far to call it a game. Look at it, an old man climbing a tree chasing monkeys. What other game could you say, “I just threw baby Moses in the water”. It looks more like a Game Genie. Now, does it look like Wolfenstein 3D? All three games use the same music. 5. Bible Games - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 17, Kyle Justin: (To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"), ♪ He's playin' some games, the worst he recalls ♪, ♪ He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls ♪, ♪ Oh, he's makin' a list, and checkin' it twice ♪, ♪ He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice ♪. Yep, that's it. (Makes a silly facial expression.). Well, let's try them all. GAH! All with weird, deformed cartridges made for Nintendo systems, but without any endorsement from Nintendo. OK, there's another one. So, instead of something imaginary and fun, here's the real-life mundane task of driving a f***in' bus for eight hours! I've got to do it! It's played by God-awful control, a pathetic attack range, and the most annoying level design I've ever seen. So I'm gonna draw the line right there. Anyway, here's some Super Mario Bros outtakes that were just uploaded to Cinemassacre, and none of these are actually on any of the DVDs as far as I know. It's a flying squirrel. Quizzes: not fun! Well, let's take a look at the whole replay and see what happened. The Nerd: So, let's play another Bible game. As people have said, James is more of a movie guy. The Nerd: First, we have Moses: The Exodus. It just feels slippery. Of course, he goes right past it. I feel like a stupid asshole going after all these sheep for no reason. But it sucks. Damn! Bible Games III. And you know what? Oh, okay, it's got some Bible verses thrown in. I'm playing an NES game that says "Kill all babies"?! Or, fuck! They just do like these weird kicks from a mile away and they hit you. Not that easy. It's bad. It-it's a board game? But everything else fits perfectly fine. Like, what, are they fucking crazy? I know it's weird, but the weirdness actually starts with the cartridge. The problem is that initially, Matei was camera shy. You know where they are? Damn pig! Take that, you monkey fuck! That's like if you were playing Monopoly and you put your face up to the game. Also, The Reveal that Board James and the Nerd are one and the same . Not even Chuck Norris. Here comes Sunday Funday. The Nerd: God, this is annoying! I'm gonna blow his fucking head off. I got somethin' to blow the lid off the crap barrel. The Nerd: What is it, a robot? 3:23. I can't even go in those caves. Noah's so goddamn strong, he puts the Hulk to shame! But there's no clear distinction! Oh, this game is so annoying. The Nerd: Let's do The Wise Men. It's just a bunch of poopy diarrhea doo-doo ass shit. David and Goliath has this board game. Directed by James Rolfe. The only real difference is the main games. That's the wrong answer, so that obviously means it's something they made up. But, there's no way to get it back out. The originality just stuns me. The Making of an AVGN episode - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 102. It has a game called Riddler's Race. Many times, I accidentally pick false when I mean to pick true. I'm only taking you into the ark. (Baby Moses suddenly shoots up above the game) Whoa! Come on! So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Birthday Jesus, whatever. in this case a review of Barbie for the NES. In each episode, the Nerd reviews a terrible video game and rants about it using profane language.Mike Matei helps Rolfe by playing guest characters in certain episodes (Bugs Bunny, The Joker, etc. Maybe ninjas were too violent, and Elvis' devilish rock 'n' roll was too much for a religious game. The Nerd: So then I get back out. Now, a lot of these questions are true or false, and once you get used to that, you tend not to look at the words true and false because you instinctively assume true always comes above false. The idea is to not touch the ones that bounce you down or else you die. Well, let's find out. I finish all the crap I gotta do. (He lands on the bomb.) Take that, bitch! It just sucks, and I can't even stand to play it anymore. The Nerd: Alright, let's play one more game: King of Kings. (BUHHHHRRRRR) Baaaaaaahhhhhh. Just get down there! The Nerd: The game's not bad, but it's fuckin' weird. The Green Monster That Walked Into My House 14. Oh, so I guess it's the question marks I gotta get. Not that anything is in place, but I don't know. The Nerd: Well, that's Bible Adventures. So, how many Super Nintendo games came out not licensed by Nintendo? Ugh! Damn! ; The ending to "Bible Games 3": "...although, I will give my heart to Jesus." First let's do Noah's Ark. You're goin' in the ark, you fuck nut. (Game footage of Wolfenstein 3D is shown) Yes. Look, it's an aerial view with, like, bushes and rocks. Kinda like a reverse Michael Jackson. So, rather than returning you to the game where you left off, it puts you back at the beginning of the stage, which is fuckin' bullshit! Now, this is really annoying because while carrying him, there's no way to defend yourself from everything that's out to kill you, and I do mean everything. It's the same fucking game, but with Noah. The Nerd: Those lions are fucking wusses. Principle photography took place in Spring of 2012, in the Los Angeles area, with Jason Brewer as the DP. The Nerd: The last game's The Story of Samson. James Rolfe's Animation Creations The Nerd: Alright, well, that's enough with that one. +20 minutes is mad off. (Some song lyrics appear on the screen, lighting up in time to the beat) What? (He kills a guy) Oh, God, that's so violent. Call it Super 3D Fuck Farts if you want. Smogo versus Trico 9. Ooh, got lucky there... (the Nerd gets sprung into a bottomless pit) I hate those fuckin' things, they're the worst! How do you get those damn snakes? Other times, the second log shows up, but once you're on it, and expecting the third one, it doesn't come. Let's get it over with. Trending pages Transcript of 2020 AVGN Episode The Simpsons: Bartman Meets Radioactive Man The sound effects are classic. Child Singer: Moses and me, we've got a choice to make. With its weird baby-blue cartridge? That'll send him back! But if you find one of them, it doesn't bring you back. And while you're at it, just try to punch that lion in the nuts. Well, according to this game, he put a whole bunch of goats on there. (Exclaims) This is so redundant! Directed by James Rolfe. The Nerd: Ugh, I just pushed that thing into the exit. As for the weakest, I'd say Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu since the episode felt very much like "oh look at this weird-ass game you've never heard of before! Bible Games 2 - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 62 Kyle Justin: (to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town") (the voice says "yippee" and "whoops" a couple of times, then the Nerd gets annoyed at the voice). The Nerd: Alright, Jesus and the Temple, last fuckin' game. 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